We're white. We're privileged. We're getting used to it.

Preface: Hemingway once famously said “There’s nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at the typewriter and bleed.” If that be the case, there’s a lot of red all over this page. Both blood and heart.

The most important thing for me with this discussion about white privilege is that I get it right. I take my work as a white ally very seriously. Talking about white privilege isn’t easy, even when you’re in discussions with a fellow advocate who gets it. I hope this provides you with some tools you can use and enables you to start having conversations with friends and family members. I want to keep talking about this together, either in the comments here, or on FB, Twitter and IG. This is a living, breathing issue that needs to be lit and out in the open. Shine that light, y’all.

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Let’s be honest -- I was a weird kid. What five-year-old names her new dachshund Hamlet? Who was the only third grader to vote for McGovern in her class’s Presidential Election poll? What eight-year-old spends her summer watching the Watergate Hearings and was so obsessed she tried to style her hair like Maureen Dean’s?

This one, that’s who. I could go on, but you get the picture.

Weird. And unusually tied in to current events for one so young, even in the wacky ‘70s. I’ve always liked to know what was happening in the world – and always had an opinion about things. Even when I didn’t really understand exactly what was going on.

So when an acquaintance once said to me that she “wasn’t political” and didn’t keep up with current events, I was flabbergasted.

WHAAAATTT??? Who doesn’t keep up with, like, the news?

That was completely incomprehensible to me. At the time, I chalked it up to her being a bit shallow (judgey, party of one) and moved on, reminding myself not to “talk politics” with her again.

I know differently now. Her white privilege was showing. Big time. She didn’t have any interest in what was going on in the world, good or bad, because it didn’t affect her. Out of sight, out of mind.

I should have continued to “talk politics” with her. But at that time, I didn’t have the insight, nor the right gizmos in my toolbox to have a constructive conversation. I would have come in with a sledgehammer, wielded from on top of my soapbox, where I would yell with my megaphone: “WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU’RE NOT POLITICAL? HOW CAN YOU BE THAT IGNORANT? DON’T YOU CARE ABOUT WHAT’S HAPPENING IN THE WORLD? DO YOU HAVE A SOUL OR A HEART? C’MON, MAN.”

Yeah. Not the way to win friends or influence people.

However. This person had the luxury to look away from what’s happening outside her comfortable white privilege bubble because it, and I quote “had nothing to do with (her).”

Y’all. The time to hide our heads in the sand and ignore the affect of white privilege on racism in our country is long past. And we’ve gotta talk with each other, white folks, about why this why this is unacceptable.

This raises yet another question: How exactly do you talk to others when those others are point-blank racist?

What do you say to someone who doesn’t understand the hullabaloo surrounding the Confederate statues still dotting the American landscape? When someone in your sphere says “All Lives Matter,” what’s your response?

A wise friend pointed out to me in a discussion recently that he’s found the common denominator for all of these conversations is understanding white privilege.

So let’s take a crack at that first. Understanding white privilege.

Eeek. White privilege. That’s a scary one. Little guilt-guilded too. Not easy to digest, not easy to acknowledge. But incredibly necessary. We can do this, y’all. Trust me. If you’re still reading this, you’re ready.

Fact: we white people have privilege. Privilege that has nothing to do with finances and status.

It’s all about the color of our skin. And the society in which we live, which was and is designed to benefit white folks.

As white advocates, we can’t do a thing about the ‘was.’ But we can – and must – do something about the ‘is’ and ‘will be.’

Stop looking away because you can. Look directly at issues and be part of the solution.

And part of that solution is having tough conversations.

I’m a firm believer in being prepared – must be the Girl Scout in me (the main thing I took away from my Scouting experience because I loooooathe camping. My idea of camping is no room service after 11 pm. But I digress.)

When it comes to talking to others about white privilege, it’s a smart idea to be prepared. Especially since this topic is sensitive and most likely, a little enigmatic to those who’ve either never thought about it or who don’t think it applies to them. Gotta have those talking points and facts at the ready.

Raise your hand – how many of y’all have come across someone – family member, friend, neighbor, co-worker, internet big mouth – who has spouted off that “white privilege does not exist.”

Cue this:

Cory Collins, in a piece titled What is White Privilege, Really?, published in Fall 2018 on TeachingTolerance.com, says that when working to understand what white privilege IS, it’s helpful to talk about what white privilege IS NOT.

White privilege does not mean that white folks’ achievements were handed to them on a silver platter. Doesn’t mean they were unearned either – for most white people, their accomplishments came via a lot of hard work and determination.

White privilege does not mean that white folks have not struggled. Living hand-to-mouth, food insecurity, no healthcare — all issues that can plague anyone, including a white person, who is not affluent or financially solvent.

White privilege does mean that white folks have basic advantages based on the color of their skin and the inherent bias of the systems around which our society revolve.

In other words, we are automatically privileged because of the color of our skin. It’s nothing we did or didn’t do. It just IS.

The phrase “white privilege” can be a double-sided sticky wicket (say that fast five times!) Firstly, we white folks aren’t used to being defined by our skin color – that’s a result of living in a society designed to benefit us. Example: it’s unusual to hear about “a group of white people,” as there’s an assumption that just “a group” is comprised of whites.

And you know what they say about assuming… it makes an ass out of you and me.

Secondly, the word “privilege,” particularly for impoverished and rural white folks, sounds like a tag that doesn’t describe them – at first blush, it intimates that they have never experienced hardships.

White privilege doesn’t mean that your life hasn’t been tough or challenging.

It means that the color of your skin isn’t one of the roots of your struggles.

I did a little self-check about MY white privilege, using a tool created by Peggy McIntosh in her groundbreaking piece "White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack" (1989).

Well. THAT was a wake-up call. Comprehensive. And accurate. My takeaway: I had never given some of the situations listed on that checklist any thought at all until just now. Because I never had need to do so.

That’s white privilege. In a nutshell.

Here’s the thing: white privilege allows us white folks to have a couple of options -- we can lean into the luxury of that privilege and just go on about our lives, ignoring what’s happening to our black and brown brothers and sisters.

Or we can stretch out of our white comfort zones, check ourselves and get right. Use that privilege for good and decency. Speak up, speak out, act up, act out.

I vote for that second option. Be a white advocate.

Thought: It’s always best to approach these conversations with curiosity, tact and the intent to try to understand the other person’s views about the current political climate. Go in with a drumstick, not a sledgehammer. You really can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.

And remember – you’re not alone. There’s a whole posse of white advocates who’ve got your back.

Now. Let’s get to talking.

Postscript: We are in the midst of some arduous, challenging times. Are you tired? Yeah, me too. Overloaded? Same. A little numb? Yep. John Pavlovitz, a renowned pastor, author and activist, has some words of wisdom for those of us who are white allies and advocates:

Friend, if things are too messy, too turbulent, too unsettling for you right now, and you feel like you just want to ignore it all — realize that you are fortunate to have such a luxury. Be grateful that you even feel you have a choice in the matter; whether to be in the trenches or to stay out of harm’s way.

Privilege will always try to tempt you out of activism and into passivism, and it will always lure you into the safe and away from the messy.

For the sake of those who don’t have a choice — refuse to let it.